Movie Review: Deadly Detention

Please do, forget about me

This week I was browsing around Netflix for a movie to review, and I stumbled upon what looked like a wannabe Breakfast Club movie with a Slasher movie twist. The movie is called Deadly Detention, released back in 2017. The acting in this movie is simply atrocious, I've seen Disney Channel sitcoms with better acting, and that's saying something! Let's see which of them learn a valuable lesson about themselves personally, or anatomically if ya know what I mean (get it, cause they'll be dead!).

Deadly Detention starts out how you would expect, it opens with all of our students in a school bus being driven to an abandoned prison. why an abandoned prison, because apparently the school that week had been overrun with possums, so they needed to fumigate the campus. At the prison the students meet up with their principal, Ms. Presley, who then leads the delinquents to the prison's holding room. It is there she tells them that they will be there until 4pm, and that they are to write an entire 800-word essay within that time about "the me you don't see" (sounds familiar don't it). Of course however the students don't really get anything done, and instead procrastinate. During this time we get to know the characters better, such as; Jessica, the Athlete who closely follows school rules. Taylor, the Basket Case who carries her skateboard everywhere, though never really uses it. Kevin, the Brain who is not only Christian, but is also presumed to be gay (we never get a confirmation on that). Barrett, the Princess, yes I know what I just said, but he fits the archetype. Finally we have the fifth student, Lexi as the Criminal (or s**t as they call her in the film). With our Breakfast Club archetype roles filled out, we can finally move on with the movie. while Ms. Presley leaves the area for a moment to investigate something, Lexi sneaks into her temporary office and steals her "Best Principal of 2010" award, trust me this is important for way later. After successfully hiding the stolen award from her, the students begin their procrastination again, until they are interrupted when Ms. Presley begins banging on the door screaming for help. Jessica attempts to help, but it is too late as the screaming stops and a pool of blood trickles beneath the door. This is heavily implied however as we don't even get to see the body or the supposed pool of blood. They then hear the intercom turn on as a mysterious voice prompts them to leave the room. Taylor suggests that since they are in a abandoned prison, it could be a malevolent ghost, Jessica is skeptical however, and Lexi believes it to be a prank by Ms. Presley.

The group makes their way to the kitchen, where they discover Ms. Presley in the meat locker, except... she's dead! Now realizing that this is serious, the students find new weapons in hope of fending off against the killer as Lexi left the trophy with the body of Ms. Presley saying that she doesn't want her ghost to haunt her. The weapons are useless however as none of the kids use them at all, the weapons seem to have had literally disappeared from them between shots. At least we get some more exposition as they travel the halls, they talk about how they ended up in detention. Turns out, a few of them were framed for petty crimes they didn't even commit such as vandalizing, and having alcohol in their locker. Soon enough, they come across the killer, brandishing a large stake, and run away from him into a communications room. The room starts to fill up with poisonous gas, causing the group to escape into the ceiling crawlspace. It seems fine at first until the familiar stake starts to pop up through the ceiling, attempting to stab any of the students.Four of the kids, divided into groups of 2 are separated from each other the the ceiling breaks apart. Taylor however is caught on something, and we simply see the stake getting closer to her until the screen goes black. We have no idea what happens to her. The first group comes to, showing that Jessica and Kevin have fallen into what seems to be a different hallway. Kevin also seems to have had his ankle sprained, so can only walk with a limp. He, and Jessica quickly make a run for it though as they hear the killer nearby. Eventually they lose him, but also reach a dead end. Here Jessica receives a pep-talk from Kevin about how they will get through this. Meanwhile Lexi and Barrett awake in a massive mess hall, where seeing that they are all alone decide now is the right time for the coitus, never mind that there is a killer running about. Kevin decides to stay behind, so he doesn't slow down Jessica. Once again before we can anything happen, the screen cuts to black. Jessica quickly realizes that Kevin sacrificed himself for her, and makes her way into the mess hall.

Jessica finds the others, luckily after they had gotten their clothes back on. Though seeing the lipstick on Barrett's face, Jessica yells at them for not taking this seriously. Overhead, the anonymous voice tells them to head back to the holding cell where they started. Barrett angers Lexi when he calls them by their archetypes, her's being the s**t. Though if this is really trying to be The Breakfast Club, then she more fits the role of The Criminal. The girls leave him alone long enough to be attacked off screen by the killer. They return back to see the damage, now vowing vengeance on the killer, they arm themselves with a serving fork, and a pot lid. Literally in the background of the shot, there is a mop that Jessica could've easily broke to use as a proper weapon! Jessica pumps herself up with some stretches, and I can't tell anymore if this movie wants to be a parody, or a serious slasher. Jessica, and Lexi take notice of something strange, in the room that the killer came from is a shrine of a fellow classmate who had killed herself a year prior to the movies. Yeah, I didn't bring that up until now since the movie also never brought it up until now, except maybe a quick one-line mention around the beginning. The two attack the killer, and Jessica is shoved between two closing gates. We never see what happens, we're supposed to assume she died, but we got no squishy sound effect to clarify that. All we know is that now, Lexi is our Final Girl.

Turns out that the killer was the School Hall Cop (I assume like Mall Cop, but with less Paul Blart) all along, wow. His motive was that, the girl who had killed herself was his daughter, he claims that is was this specific group of kids that bullied her into it. We then get a actually interesting plot twist though, turns out Lexi was best friends with her, and that she killed herself because her father was abusive. Not wanting to think about it like a rational adult, he instead begins to strangle Lexi, oh no is this the end? Nah, he gets hit in the head with a blunt object, now I was expecting Jessica, but no, it's the fricking principal! Somehow Ms. Presley is still alive, and was able to save Lexi. The two then walk down a long hallway towards the exit, this is when the most ridiculous part comes up. Ms. Presley literally says that on her way to save Lexi, she checked the pulses of the other students, and it turns out they'll all be okay! Alright... what the actual f**k. It's one thing to have all your kills off screen, but to completely undo it all!? Not cool. Let's just hope that this doesn't leave any possibility for a sequel. 

This was probably, not just the worst horror movie I've seen, but also one of the worst MOVIES I've seen period. The acting, wack. The soundtrack, wack. The plot, wack. The way they have off screen kills only to undo them later, WACK! This movie gets a 1 out of 5 paws up, and detention for the rest of eternity!