Movie Review: Doom: Annihilation

Doomed from the start

So as of today the game Doom Eternal is out, and because of this I thought it would be good to review the Doom movie (Not the one with The Rock mind you). Looking at the trailers, I thought that maybe this could be decent... ish. I was very wrong in the worse way though. You know how Doom has adrenaline pumping game-play that never bores, and keeps you moving, right. Well imagine that the film adaptation goes the opposite direction entirely, even during the action scenes, this movie is boring as hell (Unintentional Doom joke there). For the plot we follow a group of marines that find themselves in a demon infested base on one of Mars' moons, Phobos (Which I just found out is a real moon, so that means we're probably screwed if demons figure out how to get down from there). Forgive me if this review is a bit short. This movie was so boring, that I forgot most of the plot points, and I really don't want to re-watch this. Also maybe mute the usual music on here, and play this song to get into the mood.

Our movie starts by introducing us to two different groups of scientists. One group on Phobos, and the other at a secret base in Nevada, Earth (Not to be confused with Nevada, Jupiter). They are seen researching some obviously demonic looking teleportation devices. One of the groups send a guy in only for him to become a monster. Eh, only a minor setback. They turn on the gate again, and we get a title-card! We are then introduced to our protagonist Joan. She wakes up from a deep sleep, along with all the other marines whose names I can't remember. One thing i'll give the movie credit for is the fact that the ship's AI is named Daisy which is possibly a reference to Doom Guy's pet rabbit who had unfortunately been killed by demons at the end of the first game. To be honest, the Easter Eggs are the only noteworthy parts of this movie, and even then I only counted two, counting the AI's name. We get some exposition from the marines that this is Joan's fault that they are going to Phobos. To make things more awkward, Joan's ex-boyfriend who is a scientist is coming along to join the research team. They soon arrive at the base, but no one is answering the communication signals. The group then gets a message that something bad happened at the base, and they need to find out what happened. They find a hidden entrance, and walk around for awhile doing nothing. Finally 35 minutes into the movie, we see our first demon... and it's a generic zombie, how disappointing. Since because these professionally trained marines are idiots, at least three of them are killed off. They use a chainsaw for five seconds, I guess that's kinda cool? Man, you know you've failed as a action movie if the action scenes are boring to watch. The marines also come across another easter egg, as well as a few survivors. The easter egg being a name tag belonging to a fellow marine by the name of Blazkowicz which is the last name of the main character from the Wolfenstien games, and as a fun fact he is actually confirmed to be Doom Guy's grandfather in one specific timeline. 

Among the survivors is a very suspicious science guy, I don't remember his name, but I'm 99% sure the word Butt was in it, so he's going to be Dr. Butt. The crew returns to the ship only to find a new type of demon, the imp, also known as the second weakest demon in the Doom games next to the zombies. A couple Imps take out many of the marines. The Imps don't even resemble their in-game model at all, and it looks like a cheap rubber suit monster that would appear on a early episode of Power Rangers. With their transportation compromised the remaining marines decide to try, and get the power back on in the base. Upon arriving at the power thingie, Dr. Butt locks the remaining marines, and survivors in the room. More Imps arrive, and kill everyone, but Joan, and her ex-boyfriend. Those two somehow get out, and make their way to Dr. Butt. Along the way Joan comes across the iconic BFG 9000, or more formally known as The Big Fucking Gun. In the game, the BFG allows you to explode many demons into bloody chunks with only one blast, making demon killing oh, so much easier. However in this movie, the BFG gets a major downgrade. Not only does it look like a toy gun from the dollar store, it also does barely any damage to anything. Her ex-boyfriend also gets killed by a demon because movie. Joan goes to stop Dr. Butt from literally releasing Hell on Earth, but instead she is pushed into the portal. Arriving in Hell, she meets the mastermind who tells her their plans for destroying humanity. Finding a portal back to Earth Joan goes through it, and ends up at the Nevada lab. She tries to tell the people to close the gate, but because these guys are stupid, they keep the gate open. We hear some demonic growling before the screen cuts to black, and the credits start to roll. What a unsatisfying ending. Who knows maybe I would've liked it if the rest of the movie was better. With this movie finally over, I think I can relate a lot to Doom Guy now. Watching this movie felt like going to Hell, and back... well, I mean, if Hell was boring as... Hell. 

Even if this wasn't associated with the Doom franchise, this is still a very bad, and boring sci-fi action flick.It's bad to say, but it seems to be that the 2005 version with Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a much better Doom movie, then this attempt. Seriously Hollywood, why is it so difficult for you to make a goddamn Doom movie!? Sorry, i'm getting really angry over this, maybe it might be best for me, and everyone else if I stop now. This snore fest gets a 1 out of 5 Paws up.