Movie Review: Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure

There's a reason why Disney won't acknowledge this movie's existence

May the 4th be with you Star Wars fans. Today is as you might've guessed, Star Wars Day. For the event I decided that I would review something Star Wars related. Though I am not looking at any of the main movies, nor the newer spin-offs, we're going to uncover a piece of forgotten Star Wars canon, The Ewok spin-off movies. Though we are only looking at the first of the two, Caravan of Courage. Taking place before the original trilogy, Caravan of Courage follows two kids whose parents are captured by a creature named  Gorax after crash landing on the Ewok's moon of Endor. The friendly teddy bear like Ewoks then help the children rescue their parents. I'm going to say it now though, this movie is a snore fest, so forgive me if a few important parts are omitted from the review, not my fault this movie had me sleeping for the most part.

The movie opens on a fateful night of Endor where we are introduced to the main character's parents who are trying to find their missing children. Suddenly they are captured by a giant monster, and we don't see them until thirty minutes later in the movie. The next day, the movie introduces us to a family of Ewoks. One thing I will praise is that unlike The Star Wars Holiday Special, there is actually a narrator to help give context. Except the narrator doesn't, he only explains the obvious, then proceeds to not explain any of the other weird shit that happens in this movie. The Dad Ewok I guess uses a para glider to find his two oldest sons, then um, I have no fucking clue what is even happening half of the time, and we're only in the beginning! Another thing that I need to point out is all the Earth animals on this "alien" planet. Goats, chickens, miniature horses, ferrets, lizards, mice, and even rabbits. The Ewok Dad, and his sons, including the third, and youngest son Wicket go on a walk or something. On the walk they find the crashed Star Cruiser, and investigate. Inside they find a sick little girl named Cindel, and soon enough after, her brother Mace. They bring the kids back to their home, and help Mace nurse Cindel back to health. Then Mace proceeds to grab his sister, and try to run away. They are attacked by a monster, and shortly saved by the Ewoks. The Ewoks then agree to help them find their parents, but first go to the Mystic Ewok to see where their parents are being held. They find that the Giant Gorax had taken them, and will soon kill them, so they need to go quickly. The titular Caravan of Courage is formed, and the kids along with their new Ewok friends head off to save their parents. Each person in the group was also given a special item, though I have no idea what these items do at all. 

On their way the group comes across a axe-wielding Ewok who joins their group, and shortly after a wizard Ewok. The thing is though, there is no magic in the Star Wars universe, only The Force, but here we have a Ewok breaking the damn rules! There are parts with forced peril as well to lengthen the run-time like Mace being trapped underwater for some reason, and a horse running off with Cindel. Eventually they finally arrive at the Gorax's lair. Wicket shanks a giant enemy spider dead. One of the Ewoks distracts Gorax while Mace rescues his parents. Then Gorax returns, and ends up killing the axe-using Ewok. Mace cries because that Ewok was his friend, or something. Using some rope, they trip the Gorax into a deep ravine. It doesn't work at first until Mace uses his dead Ewok buddy's axe to finish off Gorax. The group celebrates as they return to the Ewok village where the human family decide to live with the Ewoks until their ship is fixed. Wicket also dances on a table.

Why did I do this? I take back everything, this is the worst Star Wars movie ever. It's boring, makes no sense, and is just completely pointless. Of course i'm sure there are some angry neck beards somewhere that will insist this movie is a masterpiece compared to any of the Sequel Movies. I don't like this movie, that's it. Much like Furry Vengeance, this doesn't even deserve a score. Good day! God... I think I need a drink...

Movie Review: Tremors 2: Aftershocks

For once the sequel is better

There is a stigma in the movie industry that sequels are typically downgrades of the movies they follow. The Tremors franchise however is much more different. Much rather then getting worse with each sequel, this Hextalogy (6 movies), soon to be Heptalogy (7 movies) later this year seems to just get better with every new entry in the series. As I said in my first Tremors review, I would take a look at the many sequels in the near future, and that near future is now. Anyway Tremors 2 takes place six years after the events of the first movie, and rather then following Earl, and Val, it is just Earl this time around as Val, and Rhonda gotten married, and moved to a big city together. Earl meanwhile is down on his luck when he is called to action by a Mexican Oil Baron whose oil refinery is infested with Graboids. With the reward of $50,000 per Graboid killed, he sets out to the oil refinery. While there however he, and his new partners will find that "The Worms Have Turned".

The movie begins at the aforementioned oil refinery where a worker is attempting to escape a Graboid. He almost makes it to safety, but is caught, and killed by the beast. We then skip back over to Perfection, Nevada, the setting of the first movie. It is here we find out that Val, and Rhonda had gotten married, and since moved away from Perfection while Earl is left behind running a failing Ostrich Ranch. He is then approached by Carlos who owns the refinery. He tells Earl that Graboids have been killing his workers, and that Earl is the only person he can think of to deal with the monsters. Earl at first refuses as he had barely survived the Graboid attack from six years ago. Grady, a Graboid fanboy who accompanied Carlos to find Earl then convinces Earl to come down to Mexico to fix the problem. Grady tells him that Carlos is offering $50,000 per Graboid he kills, and that the Mexican Army is willing to provide him with whatever he needs. With a monetary motivation, Earl, joined by Grady drive down to rural Mexico to hunt some Graboids. Arriving at the main office, Earl meets the rest of the cast, Handyman Pedro, and Geologists Katie, and Julio. Earl also learns that Carlos is willing to pay double if they manage to catch a live Graboid, though Earl says it's impossible to catch one. With the help of a computer that shows where the worms are in the area, we get a fun montage of Earl, and Grady using a new technique to kill Graboids based on Earl's idea from the first movie. The idea being "fishing". Though this time instead of lit dynamite on a rope, they now use remote controlled cars equipped with explosives. Soon enough the pair find out that there are much more Graboids in the area then anticipated, and because of this they need some backup from an old friend. A now divorced Burt Gummer, also from the first movie gladly comes to their aid bringing along a massive amount of heavy fire power, and 120-pounds of MREs (Ready-to-eat meals intended mostly for military use). We also learn that the Graboids are actually Pre-Cambrian, making them older then dinosaurs. All is going fine now, until later that day something unexpected happens.

Earl, and Grady come across a Graboid who much rather then charging after them, instead is running away. Earl suspects that it's trying to lure them into a trap as the Graboids have been known to learn over time. The two go after it anyway, though while chasing it, the chains on their truck gets caught up with the worm causing it to drag the truck towards a rock. With the car crashed, the two panic as they expect the Graboid to attack at any moment, but surprisingly enough, it doesn't. The two investigate, and find the Graboid completely above ground, and immobile. Earl, and Grady celebrate as they realize they can cash in this live in. With the truck destroyed they radio Pedro to come, and pick them up. Later that night while still waiting for Pedro, more unexpected things happen. With the Graboid now crying out in pain before suddenly stopping, the two investigate, and find their Graboid dead, and completely gutted. Earl seeing that something must've come out of it suggests that it metamorphosed into something new. In the distance they see Pedro's car finally arriving, only to suddenly stop. Reluctantly, they investigate, and find the car ripped apart, and Pedro dead. They also find that the radios are not working, and head to the radio tower to try, and fix it. When they get to the radio tower though, once again, it is completely destroyed. They soon come across their new enemy, a small Graboid like creature, that instead of crawling, walks on two legs. They manage to kill it, but soon more arrive. Luckily the are able to escape before the creatures got to them. Burt also has a run-in with the new creatures. Early the next day, Katie is just doing her science stuff when suddenly her assistant Julio is attacked, and killed by a group of them. Katie is soon enough saved by Earl, and Grady; and Burt returns understandably pissed off about the situation. Despite using up all of his ammo, turns out that he had managed to capture one live. Now with it locked up in a cage, the group can do some tests. 

They are quickly able to find out that the now named Shriekers are both blind, and deaf; they instead hunt by heat signatures. This means that the attacks on the radio tower, and cars were mostly accidental, Another thing we find out is that they reproduce asexually when fed enough food. This discover only helps foreshadow what is to happen now. Turns out, a lone Shrieker had sneaked into the building from being stuck under Burt's truck. To make matters worse, it gets into Burt's MRE supply. You can probably guess what happens next, absolute chaos. The Shriekers attack the group, and they are barely able to escape using their sense to detect body heat against them. We also get probably one of the best scenes in the series, Burt does what he does best, overkill. Using a handheld cannon, Burt blows a Shrieker into small chunks. Though doing that, he also accidentally destroyed the last working car in the area. With the Shriekers spotting the group, they mange to escape up a roof in classic Tremors style. Burt however, is now cornered in the scooping part of a bulldozer. Before they can devise a plan, the Shriekers begin to stack on top of each other to reach the roof. Burt then gets a idea, and runs out into the open causing the Shriekers to chase after him. He leads them all into a warehouse, and quickly shuts the door on them. At first this does the trick, until they realize that there are pounds of food in there, making the Shriekers rapidly multiply. Earl decides to have a fire extinguisher used on him to reduce his body temperature, and heads into the warehouse to grab one of Burt's bombs. Earl is barely able to escape as he sets off a detonation timer. Burt realizing what he's done warns everyone to run away as the blast will be huge. Indeed it is, almost a nuclear sized blast that left nothing, but a crater of what was once an oil refinery. I mean hey, it was either the refinery, or the world, so it's okay. With every single Shrieker, and Graboid in the area dead, our trio celebrate. Earl also gets with Katie, and as for Burt. Well let's just say that Burt becomes the main character of the franchise now, no more Kevin Bacon, or Fred Ward. 

Tremors 2 proves that good sequels can exist, and in this case, I would say that Tremors 2 is better then the first movie.For one thing, it nailed that Comedy part that was lacking from their last Horror/Comedy flick. The series in my personal opinion only gets better from here, so stay tuned for future Tremors reviews. For now though, Aftershocks gets a 5 out of 5 Paws up.