No review today, and site redesign

Today is now Black Friday, originally I was going to release a review for the classic anti-consumerism movie, They Live. Although as I planned, made, and hosted an entire Thanksgiving dinner just the other day, it's proven to have had taken a lot out of me this time. Don't be sad though as i'm sure i'll get around to reviewing it during the next big shopping holiday. 

In other news, On December 1st, the site will go under a holiday themed redesign, and with it, I will be reviewing Christmas movies all month long! Since you're probably still bummed out about the absent They Live review, i'll go ahead, and announce the first movie of our Christmas binge, the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special. I mean it's only right considering that the latest installment of the Star Wars saga will be coming out later that month. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, and I hope you're just as excited as I am for these upcoming reviews!

Movie Review: Free Birds

There's a good reason why we don't do Thanksgiving movies

Free Birds is a mediocre animated movie about two turkeys going back in time to prevent turkeys from being served at Thanksgiving. The movie was made by Reel FX Creative as their first original movie, beforehand the studio has only produced short films and visuals for theme park rides such as The Simpsons Ride at two separate Universal Studios theme parks. The most surprising part about this movie is the fact that despite the very low scores, it managed to make twice it's budget back, grossing over 100 million dollars! 

The movie begins with our main turkey Reggie (Voiced by Owen Wilson), talking different holidays before cutting to a part in which a family sits down to carve their roasted turkey. Through the window Reggie looks on in horror as he finds out what happens to turkeys on Thanksgiving. He tries to tell the other turkeys on the farm about the truth, but they ignore him, and toss him aside as an outcast. A week, or so before Thanksgiving the President arrives for the "Pardoning of the Turkey Ceremony", his daughter makes him choose Reggie. At first Reggie thinks he is going to be killed until realizing that he is pardoned, thus safe. Reggie is taken to the President's home, which isn't the White House for some reason. Here Reggie starts his life of luxury, eating pizza, and watching Spanish soap operas all day. His peace is disturbed though when Jake (Voiced by Woody Harrelson) kidnaps Reggie. He tells Reggie that he must help him take turkeys off the menu by traveling back in time to the first Thanksgiving, and doing whatever is necessary in order to achieve their goal. Reggie of course doesn't believe Jake as it sounds like nonsense. Though Jake insists it is true, as The Great Turkey told him so. After some hijinks though they find themselves in a top-secret military base where the time machine is being kept. The time machine also happens to be controlled by a sassy AI named S.T.E.V.E (Space Time Exploration Vehicle Envoy).

Once they make it into the time machine, they set off towards the past, 1621, Plymouth, just three days before the first Thanksgiving. Immediately Jake, and Reggie are chased by hunters, led by the real world colonist, Myles Standish. Before they can be captured though, our two feathery heroes are rescued by a group of wild turkeys, one of which, Jenny (Voiced by Amy Poehler), becomes the obligatory romantic interest for Reggie. The wild turkeys lead Jake, and Reggie back to their secret hideout where they are introduced to the chief of the wild turkeys, Broadbeak. Jake also gets in a fight with Ranger, a tough turkey that is just as stubborn as Jake. It is here that Jake explains to the turkeys that they are in danger, and they need to fight back. The chief explains that they can't as that would be very dangerous. Jenny then takes the two to the turkey nursery where we see a bunch of puff-ball baby turkeys doing cute things before cutting to the next day.

The next morning, the turkeys are given different assignments by the chief; Ranger, and Jake go scout out the fort, while Reggie, and Jenny spring the hunter's traps. While scouting Ranger, and Jake are able to find where the humans store their weapons, Jake takes this into consideration for a plan later on. Meanwhile Jenny, and Reggie bond a little after Reggie disarms all the traps in a accidental slapstick manner. Though they are chased by the hunters, luckily with the time machine nearby Reggie is able to use it to get Jenny, and him to safety. He asks if she would want to go to the future with him, but she declines as she can't leave her family. Once down at the ground, Jake steals Reggie away for his plan. At nighttime, Jake takes Reggie to the fort where he tries to explain his plan. Reggie though gets mad at Jake because of his nonsensical story. This is when Jake tells Reggie his backstory of how he escaped from a factory farm, and met The Great Turkey shortly after. Upon hearing this, Reggie decides to listen to his plan. Jake then explains that they are going to destroy the human's weapon supply. Though hesitant at first, Reggie realizes that if the humans have no weapons then the flock won't be in danger, and perhaps Jenny would take him up on his offer. Thus the two head out to destroy the weapons supply.

The birds are able to successfully blow up the weapon shed, and return in triumph, Jake even showing off the powder horn he stole as proof. The birds cheer, and celebrate thinking that they are all safe. What they didn't know though was that Jake had spilled the gunpowder all the way from the fort to the hideaway, accidentally leaving the humans a trail. The humans burn their hideaway as well as capture more then enough turkeys for their feast tomorrow. The chief also dies saving Jenny, and Reggie. Jenny is made the new chief, and plans a attack on the humans as they don't have weapons anymore so that gives them an advantage. Meanwhile Reggie returns to his own time feeling like it was his fault for getting Jenny's father killed. Though three other Reggies from alternate timelines show up, and explain to Reggie that not all is lost, and he can still go back, and save everyone. He also learns that he is The Great Turkey. First Reggie makes sure to go back in time to give young Jake his destiny before returning to 1621 to help the others. We first see Jenny leading the flock into battle with the humans, and two Native Americans show up to only say, "Those are some Angry Birds", haha get it, dated pop-culture reference. 

Before the cannon balls can hit the birds, the balls are stopped in their place because I guess the time machine could do that? Myles Standish also gets sucked into a time vortex as well (geez sounds like a fate worse then death). Out of the time machine steps Reggie with a box of cheese pizza to offer the humans, the humans happily accept it as a confused pizza man also steps out with even more pizzas to give. Thus because the humans had something to eat, they freed the turkeys they captured, and begin their feast. The feast is named Thanksgiving because the leader of the human gave his thanks to Reggie (I'm not kidding, that's literally what they go with). Human, and Turkey peace is established thanks especially to Chuck.E.Cheese's Pizza... i'm not joking, the rat's face is literally on the box, weirdest product placement ever. We fast forward to the future where Jake, Jenny, and Reggie look on happily as the humans continue to eat their thanksgiving pizza to this day. Upon returning to the past, Jake leaves with the time machine saying that he must go where his help may be needed. The turkeys celebrate as Thanksgiving is now a vegan holiday I guess. Though in the mid-credits scene Jake returns with a chicken, and a duck tucked under his wings. In a panicked voice he asks, "Have you heard of Turducken!?", then the movie actually ends. Just in case you didn't know, Turducken is a chicken, stuffed into a duck, stuffed into a turkey, a true abomination to nature.

Overall, this movie is very meh, It isn't very good, but it's not horrible. There were actually a couple parts that made me chuckle, at first only in the first quarter of the film however, then everything became more bland then that one time my mother cooked a turkey roast (And that was pretty bland). The visuals though are pretty poor for a movie that was released in 2013, in comparison Epic from Blue Sky Studios came out earlier that year. Sure, the movie didn't have the best plot, but the visuals were really quite stunning. Frozen also released a couple weeks after Free Birds, but comparing the two is useless when Frozen was animated by such a animation powerhouse like Disney. Anyway back to my main point, visuals are blah, the jokes fail to land, relying too much on slapstick humor, and the story, pretty sure the writer just stole his 10-year old's writing assessment. Surprisingly enough, the movie did have some potential in being good. If the jokes had been more funny, then maybe it would be more enjoyable to watch. All in all this Thanksgiving comedy get a 1 out of 5 paws up.

Movie Review: Animal World

This movie isn't clowning around

Remember last week when we went over Shanghai Fortress, and I talked about how godawful it was? Well, this week you're in for a treat because this is actually a really good Chinese movie. Released last year for the 21st Annual Shanghai International Film Fest, and later on released in Chinese cinema to critical acclaim beating even Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom at the box office which when you think about it is a phenomenal feat for a domestic movie to beat a American one at the Chinese box office. Once you watch the movie, it's easy to see why many people love it. The movie stars popular Chinese actor, and singer Li Yifeng as Zheng Kai-si, a man who struggles with psychological issues, but is extremely smart and has a heart of gold. When conned into a debt by the man he considered his friend, Zheng is forced to partake in a deadly game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, trust me it's actually really good. 

 

The movie begins with a very surreal action sequence. The main character explains that when he was younger, there was a cartoon called, "Super Clown", and on his eighth birthday, something very traumatic happened. Ever since that day, anytime he gets emotional, he claims "the clown takes over", and he starts perceiving normal people as monsters that he as the clown must kill. I'll admit, it's really confusing. To make matters more confusing it's established early on that many of the action sequences play out in his head, giving us a unreliable narrator, which can work when done properly, and I feel like this was done right. I always was on the edge of my seat wondering what was reality, or his imagination. Meanwhile in reality though, he works for a dingy arcade, and his mother is in a coma at the hospital, so he works hard so she can stay there. Luckily though his childhood friend, Liu Qing (Played by Zhou Dongyu) helps him with finances when needed. His other friend Li Jun (Played by Cao Bingkun) tricks Zheng into selling his home, and transfers a great debt to Zheng without him knowing. 

The next day Zheng is kidnapped by a suspicious man in black, when he comes to he meets a unnamed man played by Micheal Douglas, for simplicity we'll just call him Micheal Douglas since his actual character is unnamed. This is when he explains to our protagonist what is going on, and that Zheng has a debt that would take him more then thirty years to pay off (And here I thought my student debts were bad)! Although he is given a choice, either he can be a slave, or he can go aboard a ship called Destiny for a chance to win a game for not only his freedom, but also for any money he earns during the game. At first Zheng is reluctant, though he quickly agrees given his circumstances. He bids farewell to Liu, and tells her that if he doesn't return in a week then to pull his mother's plug. When taken to the special meet up point where he, and others in the same situation are being drugged so then they can be taken to the ship without revealing the location. We enter another daydream sequence as Zheng fantasizes about escaping, but as soon as he attempts to run away, he is shot with a dart, making him fall into a deep sleep. when he comes to, he is suddenly branded, given a tattoo with the number [072] on his neck. Zheng also sees that it isn't just Chinese people here, but people from all over the world; America, Italy, China, etc. They are then funneled into a large room where Micheal Douglas explains the game to the unfortunate players.

The game is Rock-Paper-Scissors, except you use cards instead of your hands, and you can only use a card once before it is recycled. The rules are that each player starts off with three stars, and twelve cards. In order to win they must have no cards, and at least three stars. If they fail to meet the requirements they are eliminated, losing all three stars also gets you eliminated. How they win or lose stars is that they play the game among each other, and the winner gets the losers star for each win. The only way to not lose stars is if you get a tie. Hopefully my butchered nutshell will help out a bit, it gets pretty complicated; not that i'm complaining. The group is given four hours to complete the game, and immediately people get to work as the clock starts ticking. Folks i'm going to be quickly honest right here, I don't think i'll be able to properly go over the plot after this point as it is pretty complicated. 

"Wait a minute Lauren, is that a Paw score down there? WTF were not even halfway through the movie!", I know, I know you're probably thinking that at the moment, but god, I can't bring myself to spoil this movie. Animal World is phenomenal, it's weird as hell, and that's awesome. This movie really needs to be watched, I went in totally blind, knowing nothing about this movie, and came out wanting more. You need to watch this while you're only partly blind to the plot because oh geez, this movie is really good. This movie easily gets a 5 out of 5 from me. Please, go watch this right now, it's on Netflix (not sponsored btw uwu).

Unstable Internet

I'm sorry that this is a bit abrupt, but lately my internet hasn't been the best. What this means is that there may not be a review coming out tomorrow because of this. Although what I can guarantee is that next week I have two reviews lined up for release on Thanksgiving, and Black Friday. Hopefully my internet will cooperate with me, and I should get a review out at latest this Saturday. Thank you for your understanding.

Movie Review: Shanghai Fortress

They could save humainity, but they couldn't save this movie

Shanghai Fortress released earlier this year, based on the 2009 novel, "Once Upon a Time in Shanghai" (Which has to be one of the most stupid names for a book ever). The movie cost an astounding $57 million to create, but brought back less then $20 million, making it a critical failure domestically. The movie presents itself as a sci-fi action adventure movie about the last stronghold of humanity fighting back against the alien invaders. What we got instead though is a half-baked romance story that simply uses the invasion as a back-drop.

The movie starts with our main characters training in a simulation. We mostly focus on Jiang Yang (played by Lu Han of EXO fame), who shows potential to become a commander. The audience is also introduced to his comrades; Pan Hantian, Zeng Yu, and Lu Yiyi. We are also introduced to Jiang Yang's love interest, Lin Lan (Played by the famous Taiwanese-Hong Kong actress, Shu Qi). Now be prepared to forget about all these characters as they are one-dimensional, and thus very forgettable. The next day, the city comes under attack from the alien forces, luckily the shield protecting the city is able to keep the damage very minimal. Thanks Jiang Yang, and his friends make it in time, and help drive off the aliens. In the next scene atop a roof in the older part of Shanghai, the friends talk about their goals and dreams for the future, we also establish here that Lu Yiyi is in love with Pan Hantian. Later that night a alien somehow managed to be inside the fortress, and attacks the command center. Our heroes rush onto the scene, and barely make it in time. Pan sacrifices himself, and the command center to save the shield. Believe it or not we're only half way through the film, and yes, it does get worse.

Lin Lan, remember her? Because a bunch of people just died she decides to go, and get some of her favorite noodles. Once there she sees that Jiang Yang is also there. Jiang Yang finally gathers the courage to give her the fake flower that he was supposed to give to her at the beginning of the movie. She leaves, and receives a text from Jiang Yang asking if she wants to hang out tomorrow, she replies yes. We then skip to the next night where they are walking around this field full of generators, and talking about random stuff, so romantic right? Finally we get back to the action. The leader or whatever decides that they need to blow up the ship using their special Shanghai Cannon. Our heroes board their jets to protect the cannon. Although upon failing to hit the ship, Lin Lan realizes that she has to sacrifice herself, and pulls a lever or whatever that gives energy to the cannon, but makes Shanghai destroyed. The main character's friends die too. I don't even know how, Jiang Yang uses himself as a target to get the cannon to hit the ship, but Jiang Yang somehow lives? There is probably so much I missed, but I can't bother to re watch this dumpster fire. Another thing, like 5 years later they perfectly rebuild Shanghai, I hate this movie so much.

That's it, that is all I can say about this movie. It's boring, forgettable, cliche. Sorry, no witty joke this time. I take back what I said about Deadly Detention, THIS is the worst movie i've ever seen. If it were possible i'd give it a -5 out of 5, but since I can't do negative scores, this gets a 1 out of 5 paws up.

Mini Review: Terminator: Dark Fate

A surprisingly good sequel

Terminator: Dark Fate is a sequel to the hit 1991 movie, Terminator 2: Judgement Day. We follow a group of heroes as they must flee from a new type of deadly robot, with the help of some returning characters. Did the movie succeed in bringing this franchise back from the grave, or has Terminator been... terminated.

Many people are very divided when it comes to this movie, people either completely hate it, or they liked it, there seems to be no middle ground. Personally, I liked what this new entry did to freshen up the series, and retcon some of the more bad entries in the franchise *cough*Genisys*cough*. I feel like they really took the successful formula, and changed it up enough so then that way it's different, but still very familiar to long time fans of the series. 

Overall, I can't wait to see what comes next. Although looking at the box office, the chances for a sequel are quite slim, hopefully the international box office can set it straight. This movie really doesn't deserve the hate it receives, and so i'm going to give this a 4 out of 5 paws up.

Movie Review: Pup Star: Better 2Gether

Ah Shih Tzu, here we go again...

Turns out, one of my most popular reviews was for Pup Star, which I reviewed a couple months back. Upon asking some fans what movie they wanted to see next, I got a overwhelming response for the other Pup Star movies. Here is the first review in case you haven't read it yet . Anyway, Better 2Gether is much like the first movie, except for the fact that this time it takes on a more "Prince, and the Pauper" (More like Pawper, haha get it?) type story line. Tiny is once again dognapped, but this time is replaced by another Yorkie who looks just like her named Scrappy. 

Better 2Gether immediately opens up with a music video of Tiny's hit new single, "Is This for Real". Afterwards we see Tiny on the Jimmy Kibble Show (Not voiced by Jimmy Kimmel, mind you), Tiny announces that she is excited for the upcoming season of Pup Star where she will have to defend her title. Upon being asked about her dog family however, she goes quiet saying that she never knew her dog family, as she has been with her humans for as long as she can remember. The movie then switches over to a place called "The Barkeasy" (These dog puns are going to be the death of me). Inside it's shown that the owner is none other than Bark, the dog who I thought went to dog jail at the end of the last film, whatever, all that matters at this moment is that apparently cats can now speak in this world as we first see with Kitty Purrey. The cat is kicked off stage because dog's are racist, and we are introduced to Tiny's doppelganger, Scrappy. Scrappy busts out what seems to be a sick rap, as everyone appears to like it. Bark seeing Scrappy gets a idea. He tries to persuade Scrappy to take Tiny's place in Pup Star, and throw the competition so then he can come back next season, and become a star again. Scrappy declines though as she has no reason to, but Bark will give her a reason. He sends a garbage collector to toss out her makeshift home, which forces her to go back to Bark, and agree to his plan. Kano, the dog bounty hunter also makes a comeback, and with a new ridiculous human sidekick as well.

During a press conference, Bark unleashes a skunk into the room, making everyone, but Tiny run out. Roland, the human grabs Tiny, and takes her away before Scrappy almost perfectly takes her place. Later that night on the first episode of the new Pup Star, Scrappy barely scrapes by as her style of singing doesn't exactly matches Tiny's. Meanwhile the real Tiny is taken to the Barkeasy where she is locked in a poorly built cage. The cage breaks apart, and somehow she gets into some clothes before making her escape. Tiny tries to pass through "Cat Alley", only to be stopped by Kitty Purrey, mistaking her for Scrappy she asks Tiny for her long overdue toll. Tiny manages to escape though, and runs into a group of dogs who happen to be Scrappy's friends. Although much rather then telling them outright that she isn't Scrappy, she instead pretends to be her, so she can have some fun with "The Dawg Pound", as they call themselves. Back in Chicago with Scrappy, Scrappy finally gets to know what having a proper home is like as Lou, and her family unknowingly bring Scrappy into their house where she gets into all sorts of wacky hi-jinks. Later on, the street dogs head to a Disco Bar where they allow underage dogs apparently. We then get a very uncanny dance sequence, similar to the bongos scene from the first movie, but worse. At least they fully animated the dog this time, but oh my god, please euthanize this demon spawn.

The next day, the bounty hunter, and his silly human sidekick, find The Dawg Pound's home, and set it on fire, forcing the dogs to leave (Since the dogs are sentient, shouldn't this be arson?). This is when Tiny finally tells the others that she is not Scrappy, understandably the dogs are upset at her for lying when they don't know what happened to their friend. Tiny runs away crying, making her way back to the Barkeasy for whatever reason. The other dogs catch up though, and tell her that it's okay because they like her anyway, and now they'll help her find Scrappy. They sneak into the Barkeasy where they see on the TV Scrappy in a interview. The dogs are noticed by Bark, and his accomplices, and get chased. They return to the Disco place where the freaky disco dog distracts the bad guys. Meanwhile behind the bar counter, Tiny finds a box addressed to Scrappy. The box was apparently shown to Scrappy before by the disco dog, Shampoo who was close to her mother. Wanting to find out more about Scrappy, Tiny opens the box which shows a picture of three Yorkies, a cute little mama Yorkie, and two small puppies. Tiny realizes that she, and Scrappy are siblings. The dogs then escape with Shampoo, and his human friend, Magic, and drive off to Cleveland in hopes of catching up to Scrappy. 

By the time they arrive at the Rock-and-Roll hall of fame however, Scrappy is already gone. At least we get to see a bunch of dog-themed music puns, and jokes during this sequence. They are almost caught by the bad guys, but are able to get away thanks to Rocky, one of Shampoo's old friends. The group then meet with a new John Ratzenburger dog named Salty who is a captain of a ship. He agrees to help them out as he was heading to Chicago anyway. Now this is where my brain broke. You literally cannot take a boat from Cleveland to Chicago as it is land locked, which according to any dictionary means; a landlocked state or landlocked country is a sovereign state entirely enclosed by land, or whose only coastlines lie on closed seas. Now look up an image of where Cleveland lies on the map. The boat can not go anywhere. I should probably calm down now before I get too off track. Anyway, the dogs somehow make it to Chicago by boat, and are able to get into the building that Pup Star is being hosted at. Tiny makes it to the backstage just in time, but she doesn't need to do anything as Scrappy decides to reveal herself as she felt bad about lying to everyone. Tiny approaches her, and accepts her apology, then has Lou put their lockets together to find that they are a perfect match. Now with Tiny back in the competition she asks if they'll allow a duet, and because this is poorly put together the judges allow it. Tiny, and Scrappy improv up a perfect song, and they win Pup Star effortlessly. Scrappy is adopted into Tiny's family (At least I think), and we all have a happy ending. At least until the next Pup Star season, you'd think they would increase security after this... anyway, the movie now ends.

So, was this movie any better then the first one? Absolutely not, in fact it's almost worse. Like I said the last time folks, just because it has talking animals in it doesn't make it quality child entertainment. Once again Pup Star gets a 1 out of 5 Paws up.

Mini Review: Joker

We live in a society... B O T T O M  T E X T

I think by now, you've seen all the memes surrounding the new stand-alone movie, Joker. Despite these silly internet jokes however, it is very easy to take this movie seriously as intended. The movie stars Joaquin Phoenix as Arthur Fleek, a deranged man who we follow spiraling into madness until he finally becomes the titular, Joker of Batman fame. Despite it's connection to the DC Comics character, Batman, Joker is not a superhero movie. It is much more of a psychological thriller that really makes you question yourself.

I'm going to be honest, it's actually rather difficult to talk about this movie without accidentally spoiling it. It is a masterful, artsy film accompanied by a brilliant soundtrack, Joaquin's performance though, absolutely blew me away. I will not be surprised if either he, or the movie earn a Oscar this upcoming reward season. Joker is something to be experienced, even if you're not a fan of DC like me, it stands alone as an amazing character study. Please, go watch it yourself. This movie gets a 5 out of 5 paws up.

TRIGGER WARNING

This movie is guaranteed to make you feel extremely uncomfortable during many scenes, and later on in the film the violence is rather graphic. Please keep this in mind when going to see the movie if you have any concerns. Then again if you're going to see this movie, you should already be mentally prepared to handle whatever this movie throws at you, just saying.

Movie Review: ThanksKilling

Gobble, gobble Motherf#%@er!

Where do I even begin? Well, I suppose first off, I know it's November 1st, I know I promised that I would go back to my normal content after Halloween. Let's be real though, the first half of November is just October 2. It is because of this for our last horror movie review we will be watching ThanksKilling, mainly to help transition from Spooky Month to Thanksgiving. The movie is exactly what you expect, a killer turkey killing off a group of college teens on Thanksgiving break. Oh yeah, this review is already guaranteed to be NSFW (Not Safe For Work for the Boomers reading this).Moms, and Grandmas beware this movie is not for the lighthearted!

The movie opens up moments after the first Thanksgiving with the bare nipple of a pilgrim woman, so at least we can't accuse the movie of false advertisement, boobs in the first second. The woman is being chased by a demonic turkey, who after thinking she's safe the turkey jumps on her yelling, "Nice tits, bitch!" before killing her with a hatchet. This is actually a great scene, it really let's you set your expectations for the rest of the film, those expectations being absolute shit. We then transition a few centuries later to modern days (2008) at a university where everyone is just getting off for Thanksgiving break, the audience is then introduced to our main characters; Johnny (The Jock), Billy (The Redneck), Ali (The... Harlot... yeah let's go with that), Kristen (The Good Girl), and Darren (The Nerd). They all load up into Johnny's Jeep, and make their way their hometown, which I think was unnamed in the movie. On their way there, the car breaks down forcing them to camp out for the night. Around a campfire, Darren tells the group the story of the Native American Shaman, Featherbutt (Yes, that is the name they gave him), who was dishonored by a Pilgrim man, so in a act of vengeance Featherbutt created Turkie, the demonic turkey who is said to rise every five-hundred and fifty-five years to kill any Caucasian he comes across, and wouldn't you know it, it's been five-hundred and fifty-five years since then. We cut to a Hermit walking with his dog in the forest, when his dog runs off ahead of him. The dog comes across Turkie's totem, which is randomly on the ground for some reason, and of course the dog pees on it causing Turkie to reawaken, and kill the dog (Where's John Wick when you need him?). The Hermit who is named Oscar comes across his dog's corpse, vowing to kill Turkie, no matter what.

Kristen is attacked by Turkie, but escapes, and tries to tell everyone else about it, but no one believes her. The next morning, Billy wakes up to Oscar, the hermit standing over him saying that Turkie was about to kill him when he scared him away. Billy also finds that Turkie left what seemed like droppings on top of him. Billy attempts to warn everyone else that the killer turkey is real, but of course no one, but Kristen believes him. Later that night after dropping everyone else off at their houses, Johnny goes home and reconciles with his father, of course as soon as he does that though Turkie comes by, and murders both his mother, and father. Everyone meets up at Ali's house hoping that they can save her, though they are too late. Ali's boyfriend is just pounding away when he gets his throat slit by Turkie, and Turkie takes his place (Trust me you don't want the visuals). He finishes yelling, "You just got stuffed!", and snaps her neck. Upon finding her body, the group decide to go to Kristen's house as her father owns a large library in his garage, so he might have a book on how to kill Turkie. Turkie makes it to Kristen's house before them though, and disguised with a Groucho Marx glasses he tricks her father into letting him wait inside while Kristen gets there. The scene ends when Turkie is about to leave, but Kristen's father calls him a duck, which angers Turkie enough to murder the old man. The group soon make it to the house, and behind the door is Turkie wearing Kristen's father's skinned face as a mask. It works though, and the group goes into the garage to do research. They finally find the book, and find out that they need to remove the totem from Turkie, so he can be killed. Turkie unveils himself as Billy walks in on Turkie attempting to dispose the body of Kristen's father. Billy puts him into a headlock which allows Kristen to get his totem before he escapes. 

Billy leaves the house shortly after to find something to eat, while the rest of the group continue reading the book on how to kill Turkie. It's actually quite simple they say, find his tepee, recite a demonic prayer backwards, and set him on fire at the stake, yeah simple enough. However they realize that Billy is in danger since he went off by himself. Billy somehow manages to swallow Turkie whole, and Turkie blows his way out using a shotgun saying the famous, "Gobble, gobble motherfucker!", and "Now that's what I call fowl play!". The group find Billy's body shortly after with Darren going into a short musical number about how Billy was his best friend, and now he's his dead best friend (I'd be lying if I said this part was not entertaining). Leaving Billy's corpse behind, because fuck everyone else in the neighborhood, the group makes their way to Turkie's tepee, which is conveniently located at the side of the road. They successfully recite the demonic prayer, and prepare to burn him, but Turkie escapes, but in trying to escape Oscar shoots Turkie into a trash can. Thinking he is dead, the group head home to watch a movie. Johnny, and Kristen confess their feelings for each other, and it all seems like a happy ending, but there's a slight problem. The trashcan they shot Turkie into was filled with radioactive waste, which revives Turkie. First he kills off Darren, ripping out his tongue, and pecking out his heart. Turkie stabs Johnny with a electric carver, before Kristen slaps him. the two retreat to a shed where Kristen then lights Turkie on fire with the classic spray and lighter combo. Johnny succumbs to his wounds, and seeing that Turkie still isn't dead, she hits him with a pipe sending him into a conveniently placed bonfire. A turkey leg is launched out, and Kristen eats it in victory. Flash forward to Thanksgiving Day, a family is having a great time until the cooked turkey hops up yelling, "Do I smell a sequel, beotch?!", and jumps at the camera ending the movie. That was... very special...

ThanksKilling is one hell of a movie that's for sure. Despite just how bad it is, it's almost good because of how bad it is. Whether you're laughing with it, or at it, it makes for a pretty good spoof on generic low-budget slasher horror. Just get absolutely baked with a buddy, and watch this film. By the way, if I get enough requests, I will review the sequel, ThanksKilling 3 (They skipped 2 because apparently it was the worst thing ever). Anyway this killer Turkey gets a humble score of 2 out of 5 paws up!