Movie Review: Furry Vengeance

OwO what's this!? A terwibble furry mowvie UwU? Eh, not that kind of furry, sorry.

Apparently Brendan Fraser agreed to star in a family friendly movie back in 2010 about a realty development guy who is harassed by forest animals for 90 minutes. There isn't much else I can say. Please suffer alongside me. If this review seems short by the way, that's because this movie has a bare bones plot with hardly any important moments to go over.

The movie (If you even want to call it that) opens up in a lovely forest located somewhere in Oregon. A groundhog is then almost run over, and it screams like a person. This movie uses a lot of "Loud Noises and Random = Funny" humor. The guy driving the car is so comically evil, he throws a lit cigar out of his window which pisses off the forest animals. In return the animals then push the man, and his car off a cliff. It doesn't kill him though since this movie is for children. We then skip to meet our main character whose name I forgot, so we'll just say Brendan Fraser. He says he loves nature as he watches his team develop some houses in front of him. His wife is more open to appreciate nature though, but his angsty teenage son just wants to go home to Chicago. He leaves to go meet his boss at a nearby airfield where he had parked his private jet. You see, the joke is that they say they're a green company, but they act the opposite! Wow, how funny! Brendan Fraser's boss says that they are going to tear down the entire forest to put up a eco-friendly shopping center with a forest theme, cause haha it's hypocritical, how funny. The animals living in the forest hear about this, and decide to make Brendan Fraser's life a living hell. Literally for the next hour we get repeated scenes. Brendan Fraser wants to do something, Animals get in the way, and cause bodily harm to Brendan Fraser, then Brendan Fraser gets angry; rinse, and repeat until towards the end where Brendan Fraser, and the animals team up to take down his boss who wants to cut down the whole forest. Brendan Fraser becomes a park ranger to protect the forest, and his family loves him. 

This movie is so awful, that it doesn't even feel like a real movie. I don't even want to waste my time going into detail of just how awful it is. I take back everything I said about the Pup Star series. That trilogy is on par with The Godfather compared to this dumpster fire. This movie, is not even worthy of any Paws! For the first time ever in this blog's history, we got a 0 out of 5 Paws up,. I hate this movie

Movie Review: Animal Crossing

Well boys, we did it, depression is no more.

As of today, Animal Crossing New Horizons is finally out! It feels so surreal since Animal Crossing fans have been waiting for so long. In case you are not aware, Animal Crossing is a life simulator game where you play as a new resident of a town populated by adorable animal villagers. Unlike other games, Animal Crossing has no end, it is simply life, and it can be very therapeutic. This 2006 movie is based on the second game in the franchise, Animal Crossing: Wild World for the DS. In this movie we follow a young girl named Ai, as she moves into Animal Village, and not much happens actually. This movie feels more like a slice-of-life episodic series, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite the movie using the the original Japanese names for the characters, I will be using their localized English names for simplicity. 

The movie begins introducing us to our main character, Ai. She is taken into Animal Village, and goes to the Town Hall where she meets the mayor, Tortimer, a tortoise who had been the mayor of Animal Village for many years (Although as of Animal Crossing: New Leaf, he has retired, and the player character takes over as mayor). Tortimer tells her that she needs to go visit Tom Nook at his shop, Nook's Cranny, as he is her landlord. Upon meeting, Tom Nook, just like in the games, puts Ai straight to work to help pay off her house loan. During this part Ai gets to meet all of her new neighbors as well. The first villager she meets is a peppy cat named Rosie. Next is the lazy alligator, Alfonso (who wears a cute little Mario shirt). She then meets the Able sisters, Mable, and Sable who run the clothing shop. Now after a hard day of work, Ai finally arrives at her new home. Though on her way she comes across a human boy from the next town over named, Yu. The next day while delivering a package to Apollo, the Eagle, Yu returns, accidentally knocking her over into Apollo's garden, crushing some of his flowers. She then meets Mr. Resetti, who in the games would only appear if you turn off the game without saving first to punish the player. Ai learns from Mr. Resetti that Apollo might be at the museum's cafe. At the museum she meets the owl siblings, Blathers, and Celeste who run the museum together. From Blathers we find out the the museum is almost complete, but they have yet to find one remaining fossil, the Seismosaurus (Nowadays, it's referred to as Diplodocus instead). Down in the cafe, we meet Brewster, the pigeon who runs the cafe, as well as Caesar, the Gorilla, and Cyrano the Anteater. Ai then meets Apollo, she tries to apologize to him, but he doesn't seem to respond making Ai think that he is mad at her.

On her last delivery of the day, Ai meets Margie, the elephant. The two bond over sharing cherries, and talking about each other's dreams for the future. Margie is hoping that she can become a famous fashion designer one day. The two then compare their aspirations, and talents to Cherry Pie. Margie states that you shouldn't leave a cherry pie in the fridge because then you might forget about it, just like how it's good to practice your talents, or risk getting a bit rusty. Ai then says that Margie's sketch book must be her cherry pie. We then skip a bit forward to nighttime where Ai is walking along the beach when she stumbles across a message in a bottle that speaks of a Winter Festival Miracle. Although she has no idea of what it could mean at the time. The movie skips forward a bit to the middle of summer. One evening when Ai is walking along the beach once more, she finds another message in a bottle. This time it's asking her to plant trees in certain areas of the village, complete with a map of where she needs to plant them. The next day, or so Yu, and Alfonso are searching the village for fossils. Rosie then mentions that she had found a whole bunch of them awhile back. The boys then have Ai, Margie, and Rosie join them on a small adventure to find the fossils. They end up in a large cave where they do find the fossils, but they also find something better. They come across an entire Seismosaurus fossil. Yu tries to break the fossil free only to make the cave start crumbling in on itself. The group make it out in time, but now no one will be able to get the Seismosaurus. Later that night is the Fireworks Festival, where the famous K.K. Slider is going to preform live (I wish I could see him live, America why you so boring). There Margie requests the song K.K. Bossa, which really is one of the best songs in the series. A little while after the festival, Ai goes to the beach again, and finds yet another message in a bottle, this is going somewhere trust me.

The movie then skips to early fall where Ai is approached by Rosie. Rosie berates Ai for not being at Margie's farewell party. The thing is though is that, despite being her best friend Ai was not even made aware of such a thing. Ai feeling hurt that Margie would leave without telling her heads out to the cafe to try, and calm down. However at the cafe, K.K. Bossa, Margie's favorite song comes on the radio, and the girl begins crying. Upon walking back home, still a bit bummed out she comes across the wandering artist, Wendell, the walrus. Ai takes him back to her home, and gives him some food, and water. She then finds a letter from Margie. The letter reads that she apologizes for leaving without telling her. She didn't want to leave for her next step in life with tears in her eyes, since she knew saying goodbye to her best friend would make her feel sad. Ai goes back into her house only to find Wendell gone, a painting left from where he was, kinda like in the actual game. Feeling uplifted by Margie's letter, Ai decides that she must make her own cherry pie, first by believing in herself more. Rosie also stops by, and apologizes to Ai for what she said. Ai forgives her as the two watch a meteor shower fill the sky. We skip time again to winter time, specifically the day of the Winter Festival. Ai walks around the village taking notice of the trees she had planted that summer as the letter asked. She wonders if the Winter Festival Miracle will even happen, oh little does she know man. That night, the village comes alive with a assortment of lights decorating both the trees, and the homes of the residents of Animal Village. Though as the Winter Festival starts, something strange happens. What appears to be a UFO crashes in the middle of the forest. In the UFO is Gulliver the seagull who during the Wild World game traveled via UFO instead of ship for some reason. Glad he went back to his seafaring roots as of New Leaf. The town's people actually do believe him to be an alien, and agree to help fix his ship.

Ai, Rosie, Alfonso. and Yu group up together to find one of the pieces which leads them back to the cave they had found back in summer. They however cannot push the boulder blocking the entrance, but help arrives in a big surprise. Margie had returned to Animal Village to celebrate the Winter Festival with her friends. Though hearing about the UFO, and hearing that her friends went to the cave she headed off to help. With her strength, they are able to move the boulder out of the way. Inside the cave, Yu spots a gear on top of the Seismosaurus fossil. With the cold making the cave more sturdy, Yu is able to climb up the fossil, and retrieve the gear. On the way down though he slips, and falls off the fossil. He is saved by his friend Alfonso though, while Ai catches the gear. The hood that Yu was wearing as part of his costume also comes off, revealing that this would be the first time anyone would be able to see his actual face, and Ai calls him cute (This is so sweet, i'm going to get diabetes). The group then return to Gulliver where they find that someone had already found a gear that looks identical to the one that they just got. Suddenly the gear begins to glow, and float, and shift into it's true form. Turns out, that gear was a tiny UFO that they saved, also a real UFO this time. Above them appears the mothership, but of course it's friendly, and only wants the tiny one back. Upon returning the small UFO, the fleet then creates a constellation in the image of Ai before leaving as thanks. Blathers decides that Ai should be the winner of the decoration contest since she used the sky to decorate the town. Gulliver then leaves, and thinks to himself that he really didn't intend for that to happen. How was he supposed to know that arranging the trees in that way would attract a real UFO. This also means that Gulliver was the one behind the bottled messages. Everyone celebrates as Ai finally feels like a proper member of the community. Apollo also apologizes to Ai for not making it clear that he wasn't mad at her the whole time. During the credits we learn that Margie had finally made a design that everyone wears. Tom Nook's shop also upgrades, just like how it does in the games. Blathers is able to receive the Seismosaurus. Ai helps Apollo re-grow his garden. Ai also becomes great friends with Celeste (Though she was starting to be friends with her as of the winter story arc). With the end of the credits is the end of the movie.

So, i'll state right now. I'm probably a little biased because Animal Crossing is one of the things in this world that makes me feel so happy. The plot may not be the best, but I think it makes up for it with charm, and wholesomeness. The more I play the games, or re-watch this movie, I just want to be a part of this joyful world. Especially if my cat, Mr. June was a villager. He'd make for a good character I think. Back on subject though! Another thing I really love about this movie is the soundtrack, and sound design, lifting straight from the game. Funny enough I actually have owned this movie on DVD for quite awhile. However, it is only in Japanese, it's only been recently that I've finally watched, and understood it completely. As you can probably guess, Animal Crossing is pretty special to me, so don't mind if I just disappear for a few months once I get my copy of New Horizons. This movie gets a 5 out of 5 Paws up from me (Mainly because of the sentimental value it has to me). 

Movie Review: Doom: Annihilation

Doomed from the start

So as of today the game Doom Eternal is out, and because of this I thought it would be good to review the Doom movie (Not the one with The Rock mind you). Looking at the trailers, I thought that maybe this could be decent... ish. I was very wrong in the worse way though. You know how Doom has adrenaline pumping game-play that never bores, and keeps you moving, right. Well imagine that the film adaptation goes the opposite direction entirely, even during the action scenes, this movie is boring as hell (Unintentional Doom joke there). For the plot we follow a group of marines that find themselves in a demon infested base on one of Mars' moons, Phobos (Which I just found out is a real moon, so that means we're probably screwed if demons figure out how to get down from there). Forgive me if this review is a bit short. This movie was so boring, that I forgot most of the plot points, and I really don't want to re-watch this. Also maybe mute the usual music on here, and play this song to get into the mood.

Our movie starts by introducing us to two different groups of scientists. One group on Phobos, and the other at a secret base in Nevada, Earth (Not to be confused with Nevada, Jupiter). They are seen researching some obviously demonic looking teleportation devices. One of the groups send a guy in only for him to become a monster. Eh, only a minor setback. They turn on the gate again, and we get a title-card! We are then introduced to our protagonist Joan. She wakes up from a deep sleep, along with all the other marines whose names I can't remember. One thing i'll give the movie credit for is the fact that the ship's AI is named Daisy which is possibly a reference to Doom Guy's pet rabbit who had unfortunately been killed by demons at the end of the first game. To be honest, the Easter Eggs are the only noteworthy parts of this movie, and even then I only counted two, counting the AI's name. We get some exposition from the marines that this is Joan's fault that they are going to Phobos. To make things more awkward, Joan's ex-boyfriend who is a scientist is coming along to join the research team. They soon arrive at the base, but no one is answering the communication signals. The group then gets a message that something bad happened at the base, and they need to find out what happened. They find a hidden entrance, and walk around for awhile doing nothing. Finally 35 minutes into the movie, we see our first demon... and it's a generic zombie, how disappointing. Since because these professionally trained marines are idiots, at least three of them are killed off. They use a chainsaw for five seconds, I guess that's kinda cool? Man, you know you've failed as a action movie if the action scenes are boring to watch. The marines also come across another easter egg, as well as a few survivors. The easter egg being a name tag belonging to a fellow marine by the name of Blazkowicz which is the last name of the main character from the Wolfenstien games, and as a fun fact he is actually confirmed to be Doom Guy's grandfather in one specific timeline. 

Among the survivors is a very suspicious science guy, I don't remember his name, but I'm 99% sure the word Butt was in it, so he's going to be Dr. Butt. The crew returns to the ship only to find a new type of demon, the imp, also known as the second weakest demon in the Doom games next to the zombies. A couple Imps take out many of the marines. The Imps don't even resemble their in-game model at all, and it looks like a cheap rubber suit monster that would appear on a early episode of Power Rangers. With their transportation compromised the remaining marines decide to try, and get the power back on in the base. Upon arriving at the power thingie, Dr. Butt locks the remaining marines, and survivors in the room. More Imps arrive, and kill everyone, but Joan, and her ex-boyfriend. Those two somehow get out, and make their way to Dr. Butt. Along the way Joan comes across the iconic BFG 9000, or more formally known as The Big Fucking Gun. In the game, the BFG allows you to explode many demons into bloody chunks with only one blast, making demon killing oh, so much easier. However in this movie, the BFG gets a major downgrade. Not only does it look like a toy gun from the dollar store, it also does barely any damage to anything. Her ex-boyfriend also gets killed by a demon because movie. Joan goes to stop Dr. Butt from literally releasing Hell on Earth, but instead she is pushed into the portal. Arriving in Hell, she meets the mastermind who tells her their plans for destroying humanity. Finding a portal back to Earth Joan goes through it, and ends up at the Nevada lab. She tries to tell the people to close the gate, but because these guys are stupid, they keep the gate open. We hear some demonic growling before the screen cuts to black, and the credits start to roll. What a unsatisfying ending. Who knows maybe I would've liked it if the rest of the movie was better. With this movie finally over, I think I can relate a lot to Doom Guy now. Watching this movie felt like going to Hell, and back... well, I mean, if Hell was boring as... Hell. 

Even if this wasn't associated with the Doom franchise, this is still a very bad, and boring sci-fi action flick.It's bad to say, but it seems to be that the 2005 version with Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a much better Doom movie, then this attempt. Seriously Hollywood, why is it so difficult for you to make a goddamn Doom movie!? Sorry, i'm getting really angry over this, maybe it might be best for me, and everyone else if I stop now. This snore fest gets a 1 out of 5 Paws up.

Movie Review: The Luck of the Irish (2001)

You would have to be pretty unlucky to watch this movie

Top o' the morning to ya laddies! 'Tis St. Patrick's Day, the day where all Irishmen, and Americans who claim to be at least 1% Irish get wasted on Baileys and Guinness. Since because it is St. Patrick's Day, what better movie to review then one featuring Leprechauns. One of the first movies to pop into my head was a old Disney Channel Original Movie from the pre-High School Musical era (Which were the only good DCOM movies in my opinion, little me couldn't get enough Zac Effron). Luck of the the Irish is a kid's movie from 2001, and it shows. It is so early 2000s that it actually hurts. The movie is about a young boy, curious about his heritage, he ends up causing trouble for his entire family. Main character also finds out that his dad actually fricked a Leprechaun, so that's something. I forgot, this is also a basketball movie as well because, fuck it, Leprechaun playing basketball.

The movie starts with a weird dream sequence where our main character, Kyle is at the upcoming Heritage Day event at his school, but he is less then a foot tall. After that pointless opening scene, Kyle heads off to his Basketball game. With a lucky shot, he manages to win the game, and his team is set to go to the semi-finals, or something like that. The next day, Kyle is treated like a hero at his school. Everything seems to be going well for him, that is until his classmate, Bonnie starts to continuously harass him about Heritage Day. When he gets home, Kyle tries to ask his parents where they come from, only for his parents to dodge the question in a very suspicious manner. Kyle is forced to do his own investigating now, and finds out that his dad had changed his last name; totally not suspicious at all. Later on Kyle, and his friend Russel, who is the only black kid in the entire school find out there is a Irish Heritage Carnival going on that day. The two boys go there, and come across a strange old man who before leaving shouts out, "Buy the boy, a bag o' spuds!" while tossing some coins that land in a perfect stack. The boys then meet Seamus, a step dance master. With the lively Irish music playing, Kyle can't help, but to do a perfect step dance. Although he ends up falling over, and this is the beginning of his problems. The next morning, Kyle's mother is seen making classic Irish dishes, and talking in a thick Irish accent. She then states the obvious, they're Irish. She didn't want to tell him because she was worried that he would be discriminated against for being Irish, even though discrimination against Irish people is so two centuries ago. While at school, Kyle starts having the most unluckiest day ever, and it gets worse. Due to the fact that he always got baskets in basketball because of luck, Kyle doesn't actually know how to play basketball. Kyle really flops at the semi-finale, but the team still manages to win. The next day at school, absolutely everyone hates him. Now I was never into sports when I went to school, but i'm 99% sure kids don't act like this.

That day Kyle realizes that not only is he getting shorter, but his hair is turning spiky, and red, and his ears are gaining a point at the tips. He rushes home, and finds his mom in her true Leprechaun form. Kyle takes the news that his dad actually fricked a Leprechaun relatively well. His parents explain that they shouldn't be turning though since Kyle has the Lucky Coin he always wears around his neck, which is essentially the luck of the entire clan. Although before he had left the school, a magnet test showed that his was not his coin, as his coin is solid gold, and thus can't be attracted by a magnet. Kyle's mom decides that it must be her father who stole the coin, which makes no sense, why would he steal the coin that keeps him human as long as it's on the youngest clan member's possession. By the way, the old guy Kyle, and Russel saw at the Carnival is actually his grandfather, and owner of the largest potato chip company in the area.Since Kyle's dad is completely human, and won't shrink, he drives Kyle, and his tiny wife to where her father would be, the potato chip factory. Kyle manages to sneak in via blending himself into a convenient field trip group that Bonnie happens to be in. Bonnie finds him, and he explains to her what is happening before they are chased around by a whole team of security guards. Soon enough they are caught, and Kyle meets his grandfather. His grandfather is willing to talk with him as they walk over to where Kyle's mom is. Kyle then mentions that maybe they can ask Seamus if he saw their coin. Grandpa freaks out because turns out Seamus is a evil Leprechaun, so of course he was the one that stole it. They take Grandpa's car, and go to find Seamus, they also pick up Russel along the way. A chase scene starts as the group drives after Seamus before they are stopped by a popped tire. The whole family now doubts that they will be able to get their luck back, but Bonnie decides to motivate them with a history lesson about the Irish arriving in America, and how with hard work they can do anything. Ah yes, the message of this children's movie is, Capitalistic Ideals are good; also that Leprechauns are the most oppressed minority. We also get this great one liner from Russel, as seen in the GIF below.

The rain stops, and Kyle spots a rainbow. Grandpa then begins running with Russel, and Kyle following him to the end of the rainbow. Russel tries to explain to the actual Leprechaun who knows magic that there is no end of the rainbow. Man, I bet Russel felt like a dummy when they find the end of the rainbow, Seamus' RV with the pot of stolen lucky coins in it. With grandpa's help, Kyle gets back his coin. Though grandpa wants to now steal the rest of the coins, leading to a argument which wastes enough time for grandpa to be captured by Seamus. Kyle then makes a bet with Seamus that he can beat him at sports, if Kyle wins then they get the coin, and grandpa back. Agreeing to the terms, Kyle, and Russel are teleported to Ireland where they do ancient Irish sports, such as Hurling. They tie, and since technically Kyle didn't beat Seamus, the coin is taken away, and he threatens to keep his grandpa as his slave forever. Kyle makes another deal, beat him at a game of basketball, and if they win Seamus is sent to the land of his father forever, but if Seamus wins then Kyle will be Seamus' slave. They are then teleported to the big basketball game that the boys were going to do anyway, and no one seems to question what thirty-something year olds are doing in a high school basketball team. At first the game is going in Seamus' favor, but then Russel is given a coin by grandpa, who says the coin is lucky. With the coin, Russel starts getting more points for their team. Turns out though that the coin isn't lucky at all, and it's confidence that makes him good. Kyle sees this, and starts doing his best too. Of course Kyle's team gets the winning score at the last second. At first Seamus thinks he is being sent to Ireland, but nope, Kyle's father is from Cleveland, meaning that Seamus will live in Lake Erie forever. Now it's a happy ending, and stuf- wait, it's not over yet!? Yup now it's time for Heritage Day where Kyle does a Irish dance, and then sings "This Land is Your Land". Most cringe part of the movie to be honest, well aside from when Kyle break dances when he supposed to be dong Irish Step Dancing. After that, then the movie actually ends.

I consider myself pretty lucky I didn't grow up with, well, whatever this was. Personally I think you would need a few pints before you even attempt to watch this. One thing I will give it credit for is that, this movie is fun make fun of. Due to that one redeeming feature, this Disney Channel "classic" gets a 2 out of 5 Paws up.

DescriptioGuinness 

Announcement: March 20th Review

This Friday, expect something a little different from usual. No, it won't be like February 14th where I did two mini-reviews. Instead I will be spoiling you with two full length movie reviews! Now what movies am I reviewing that deserve to be reviewed on the same day? Well you see, I am a bit of a gamer myself (Not the kind that is sexist, homophobic, and racist mind you), and on March 20th not only will there be a new Animal Crossing game, there will also be a release of the new Doom game. In case you don't know either game series; Animal Crossing is a life simulator game where you play as a human who lives in a ever growing village full of cute animal neighbors. Doom meanwhile is if a Heavy Metal album came to life. It is a adrenaline pumping action game where you can actually rip off your enemy's arms, and use it to beat them to death! Enough info-dumping, let me get back on subject! Did you know both of these very contrasting games have movies? Well now you know! To celebrate their new game's release I will be reviewing both movies as well. See you this Friday!

I swear to Tom Nook, if we don't get Doom Guy as a Rabbit Villager in this game...

Movie Review: Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

"We've had a doozy of a day"

It seems to be common knowledge nowadays that Horror, and Comedy go together like Peanut Butter, and Jelly. It is so interesting though, how exactly does this work? Short answer is that both genres use tension that either leads to a scare, or a punchline. Genre hybrids are a very interesting topic to me, so maybe in the future I might do a short essay on it. I'll work on it faster if there is a high demand though. I should probably stop myself now though since I could go on forever about genre hybrids, and why they work. Anyway, as you may know today is the infamous Friday the 13th; the favorite holiday of everyone's favorite 1980s slasher, Jason Vorhees. Although it would be too obvious to review a movie from the Friday the 13th franchise, but I still wanted to review a horror movie. Immediately, this movie popped into my head, mainly because just like the Friday the 13th movies, it takes place in the woods, is a slasher type of horror, and it is unfortunately obscure. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is a 2011 horror-comedy about two best friends, Tucker, and Dale spending the weekend at their new vacation home only to be mistaken for psycho killers. This movie successfully blends horror, comedy, as well as a surprisingly wholesome romance story together for one great film. 

The movie begins with a small found footage clip where the camera man is killed by a mysterious killer, it'll make more sense at the ending. We then skip to three days ago, and our introduced to our cast of college kids. To be honest I can't recall any of their names, but it's fine because the only ones we need to focus on is Allison, or Allie, and her boyfriend, Chad. On their way to the campground, they drive by our unlikely heroes of the movie, two well meaning rednecks named Tucker, and Dale, also Dale's dog, Jangers. Dale is a friendly, well meaning man who happens to be very socially awkward though which leads to many of the misunderstandings between the two groups in the film. Both groups happen to stop at the same gas station where Dale attempts to talk to some of the college girls only for them to panic, and run away. This makes Dale doubt himself, that no one will ever like him. Soon enough Tucker, and Dale make their way to Tucker's "new" vacation home. I say "new" because it is a run down Cabin-In-The-Woods type place. However the two were planning on renovating it anyway. Meanwhile in a different part of the forest, the college kids arrive, and start partying. Chad then decides to tell a scary story of "The Memorial Day Massacre", over 20 years ago. A whole group of college kids like them were brutally murdered by two psychotic hillbillies, only one person lived to tell the tale. This story helps set up the main conflict of the movie, as you probably guessed at this point. That night the group goes skinny dipping, coincidentally at the same time, Tucker, and Dale are doing some nighttime fishing. Despite Tucker's attempt to spy on the nudists, Dale is able to stop him, though in the process he accidentally surprises Allison who was standing on top of a rock. She falls, and hits her head, and without Dale helping her up, she would've drowned. As the two pull her into their boat, one of Allison's friends spots this. Seeing her as well Tucker, and Dale begin to yell out, "Hey, we got your friend!". Mistaking them for psycho hillbillies, the group runs away. The two well meaning guys are left confused, but proceed to take Allison back to the cabin to take care of her until she's better.

The next morning Allison comes to, and at first is terrified of Dale, until she sees his reaction to her assuming that she simply doesn't like pancakes. He goes to make her something else, and even brings along a small tin can full of flowers, somewhat wilted flowers, but flowers nonetheless. Meanwhile the other group is trying to find Allison, hoping that they can rescue her before the "killer hillbillies" can kill her. Though Chad tried to insist that they didn't need any help from the police, one of the guys leaves to go drive into town, and get help. They soon come across the cabin, and begin formulating a plan on saving Allison. Allison, and Dale now start getting along as Dale explains what had happened the last night, the two then start to play a board game where we learn that Dale is actually very smart. He doesn't consider himself smart because he barely passed Elementary, though Allison insists that it doesn't matter, and that he is smart in his own way. She also tells him of her dream of becoming a therapist, and confesses that she thinks most of the world's problems come from misunderstandings... hmm, sound familiar. Back outside the cabin, Tucker is in the back sawing up some large logs, accidentally cutting into a hidden wasp nest. This causes him to start running, and flailing his chainsaw in a very similar manner to Leatherface. Of course the college kids see this as him trying to kill them, and so they run off. They manage to get away, except for one guy who accidentally impales himself on a exposed branch. Tucker, oblivious to the death that just happened returns to the cabin covered in wasp stings. He then gets mad at Dale for not helping. Feeling guilty, Dale decides to help Tucker out with the other chores now. 

Before getting to the chores though, the two come across the body of the guy who impaled himself on the tree branch. The two hope they can resolve this before more people die. Though seeing as how no one is around, Dale decides to leave a message. A carving on a small log that reads, "We Got Ur Friend", of course though this scares the college kids. Now Dale begins working on the hole that they will build their outhouse on top of, and Tucker is taking care of debris with the help of a large wood chipper. Allison soon comes out of the cabin, and decides to help Dale out. Dale at first is reluctant of letting her help before she tells him that she was raised on a farm. The college group soon return to the cabin to find Allison digging what they assume to be her own grave, and so the group come up with a new plan to save her. After some planning, one of the guys lunges at Dale with a makeshift spear. Allison pulls Dale out of the way, leading the the unfortunate man impaling himself on his own spear. While this happens, another one of the guys tries to lunge at Tucker, only to throw himself comically into the wood chipper, splattering blood, and guts everywhere. With Allison accidentally being knocked out again, Tucker, and Dale retreat inside the cabin. More misunderstandings now arise as Tucker deduces that these aren't normal college kids, but people that made a suicide pact, meaning that they might want to kill Allison as well. Although they assume they are not at fault, Tucker realizes that they will need to dispose of the bodies, because to others it'll look like they murdered them. Right as soon as they pull the mangled body out of the wood chipper, the police finally arrives with the boy who took off earlier in the movie. The sheriff interrogates Tucker, and Dale before coming to the conclusion that they will be guilty of involuntary manslaughter. That won't be happening however, as sheriff leans on a booby trap pillar seen earlier in the movie (Not set up by Tucker, or Dale by the way). The trap is triggered, and the sheriff gets a board full of nails stuck to his head.

Seeing the police officer collapse dead, the kids freak out, and the guy who had originally gone to get the now dead officer grabs the gun off of the officer's waist. He attempts to shoot at Tucker, and Dale only to find out that the safety is on. Dale being the nice guy he is, can't help, but to tell him where the safety switch is. Though that then leads to the guy blowing his own brains out. With the safety off though, Chad gets out of the car, grabs the gun, and begins shooting at the two friends. Tucker, and Dale have a moment where Tucker argues that all of this is Dale's fault. Dale comes back though saying it's Tuckers fault for going fishing, when he doesn't even like fishing. This new fact hurts Tucker's feelings, and the two quickly reconcile. Just as they do, they find out that the college kids had taken Dale's dog, Jangers hostage, with Chad threatening to shoot him. The two then come up with a plan to rescue the dog. Dale distracts the kids by rapidly firing a nail gun at them while Tucker frees Jangers. However after freeing the dog, Tucker is caught, and knocked out by Chad. Funny enough this part parallels the scene from near the beginning of the movie where Chad is telling the story of The Memorial Day Massacre, although the roles are very much reversed with the college kids hunting down the hillbilly this time around. Tucker soon wakes up, tied upside-down at the college kid's camp. Chad then proceeds to interrogate Tucker before slicing at him with a hatchet, we do not see the damage done yet though. Next scene, Allison wakes up to an emotionally devastated Dale. She comforts him as he tells her what happened. She doubts it though as she doesn't believe her friends would do such a thing, at least that is until the two receive a small package from the others. Wrapped up in a piece of Tucker's shirt is two severed fingers from him. Allison reveals that when she had first met him at the gas station she was just as scared of him as her friends. This hurts Dale's feelings as it confirms his insecurities. He then leaves the cabin to go find Tucker.

Dale is able to find Tucker, and frees him. Though with no college kids nearby, they quickly return to the cabin thinking that Allison could be in danger. Meanwhile back at the cabin, Chad along with one other of the remaining four college kids sneak into the cabin to rescue Allison. Allison though tries to tell them that this is a big misunderstanding, and that she is fine. Chad however sees this as her betraying them, one of her friends even accuses her of having Stockholm Syndrome. Chad then decides to attempt to burn down the cabin, but is stopped in time by Allison. Soon enough the dynamic duo return, although instead of fighting Allison is able to get them to sit down, and try to talk it out. Here is when Chad tells more about the infamous Memorial Day Massacre. He reveals that it was his mother who survived the killing spree, while his dad's body was never found. This explains his intense hatred of rednecks. Dale then replies, trying to defend himself as he had nothing to do with the killing, and that he, and Tucker would've just been very young children at the time. During this, outside the cabin, the remaining two college kids go to the house as part of the plan. Armed with a weed whacker, the remaining guy breaks in, and accidentally rips his girlfriend's face off with the machine. Chad then breaks a lantern causing the fuel he poured around earlier to light up. Although some of the fire got on that remaining guy. The dumb blonde girl tries to help, but only makes it worse as the cabin now blows up. Only Tucker, Dale, and Allison are able to make it out. They think it's the end, though Allison is doubting her skills as a therapist. Dale reassures her that she's a great therapist though. This is before the reveal, that Chad it still alive, now extremely psychotic he gives chase to our heroes, putting us towards the climax of this movie.

The trio first try to escape Chad via car, but they crash, and Dale is knocked out for a short bit. When he comes to, he finds Tucker out of the car with a potentially fatal wound. Tucker tells Dale that he tried to stop Chad, but failed. He then motivates Dale, telling him that he has always been better then he thinks he is. Now full of confidence, Dale sets off with Jangers to go find Allison. He soon arrives at a abandoned saw mill where he has a quick gearing up montage. Dale then goes inside where he finds Allison strapped to one of those conveyor belts that lead to a circular rotating saw. If you know the proper term for that thing please tell me. With a lucky throw, Dale is able to rescue Allison, and stop Chad for a short bit. The two retreat upstairs where they come across an old newspaper with the image of the killer redneck behind The Memorial Day Massacre. They then notice that he looks a lot like Chad, and as confirmed via the text in the newspaper clipping, Chad's father was actually this killer all along. Chad now busts into the room they are hiding in, and Allison shows him the newspaper telling him that he is half-hillbilly. Chad refuses to listen though, and attacks the two. Although Dale finds some chamomile tea packets. Recalling earlier that Chad said he was allergic to chamomile, Dale throws throws some at Chad. Chad gets a severe allergic reaction, and proceeds to fall out of the window, onto some spikes, killing him. Although considering the opening of the film, Chad must not have died at this point in true movie killer fashion. Though nevertheless it's a happy ending for our heroes. Next scene shows a news broadcast in which they write off the event as a mass-suicide pact. It zooms out, showing the broadcast being played on a hospital TV. Tucker is shown to be recovering just fine, and Dale sneaks in a beer for him. The doctors were also able to sew back on his fingers... except one of the fingers has nail polish on it, so maybe it's a bit mismatched. Dale then tells Tucker he managed to get a date that night with Allison at the nearby bowling alley. We then cut to Dale, and Allison's date where they confess their love for each other, and kiss, and that is the end of the movie. Though it is somewhat foreboding with Chad still out there somewhere, it is overall a very happy ending that neatly wraps up this wonderful film. 

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is a one of a kind horror movie. It cleverly uses common horror movie tropes, and cliches to it's advantage to create a unique satire of the genre. Even if you aren't much a fan of the horror genre, I really recommend this movie. If it helps, don't think of it as horror, but as a dark comedy instead. This cult classic is a must-watch for anyone. This genre hybrid gets a 5 out of 5 Paws from me. Have a safe Friday the 13th everyone, don't go camping!

Movie Review: Legally Blonde

A classic feminist tale for every generation

First of all, happy International Woman's Day everyone! I'm going to be a bit serious for a moment, it's amazing how much has happened for Womankind in this last decade all over the world. From the rise of the #MeToo movement, to Disney's Frozen movies, to one young girl, Greta Thunberg going against all odds in a effort to save our home, Earth. There has been so much more notable feminist moments this past decade that if I were to list them all we would never get to our review. It is unfortunate however that sexism still exists. Being a denizen of the internet I have actually been on the receiving end of some rather derogatory comments. It is not good to dwell on the bad though, we must focus on the good, and improve from there, we got this. Due to today being such an important holiday, I've decided to review a movie that has stood the test of time, Legally Blonde. Released in 2001 the movie follows sorority girl, Elle Woods who decides to attend Harvard Law School in hopes of winning back her boyfriend. Now keep in mind that was a very nut-shelled description of the plot, just like Elle, this movie is so much more then it's basic premise. This movie I think means a lot to a lot of people. Though we may not exactly be like Elle, we, the audience can relate when she is judged based on her looks. This movie has also influenced a hit musical as well, so forgive me if I reference a song, two (Which I might link each song, because the musical is just as good as the movie).

The movie begins with Elle getting ready for the day when she is given a good-luck card by her friends. This is because her friends are suspecting that her boyfriend, Warren will propose to her that night. In order to fully be prepared, Elle, and her main friends... whose names I've forgotten, whoops. (They don't appear that much, so it's okay I think). While out shopping we already can see what the core conflict of the movie is when a shopkeeper says to her co-worker that "There is nothing better then a dumb blonde with daddy's plastic" as she then takes the tag off of a dress from the clearance rack. The shopkeeper then tries to sell it to Elle, expecting her to be the dumb blonde she sees her as, but Elle shows otherwise. Elle calls out the shopkeeper for attempting to sell her a old dress at full price. This scene helps establishes to the audience that although Elle behaves much like the "Valley Girl" stereotype (For younger readers, I think the 2020 version is the VSCO Girl sksksksk), she is actually very smart. Later that night Elle, and her boyfriend Warren are on a dinner date together. This is when Warren ends up disappointing Elle, by saying that he wants to not date her anymore. He says this because he is going to Harvard in less then a year, and if he wants to be a great senator he claims that he needs a Jackie, and not a Marilyn (Referencing Jackie Kennedy, and Marilyn Monroe). Elle returns to her Sorority, and enters a period of depression. Her two friends though manage to convince her to go to a local salon to get their nails done. There, Elle sees a picture of what Warren would describe as a "Jackie". It is from here Elle decides that in order to get Warren back she needs to go to Harvard, and become a law student.

Elle now begins the long process to get accepted into Harvard, even though the people around her say that it would be impossible for someone like her to go there. With the help of a study montage, Elle is accepted into Harvard with an astonishingly high score of 179 on the Law School Admission Test, combined with her already existing 4.0 GPA. Elle then heads off to her new dorm at Harvard, and is able to track down Warren. Everything seems to be going perfect until she starts her first class. There she finds just how different people on the East coast are compared to people from the West coast. She is shamed outside the classroom for not being completely ready. Outside the classroom, she meets Emmett who gives her advice on the teachers there at Harvard. When the class ends, Elle finds out that Warren is actually engaged to the same girl from class who had called her out for not being prepared, Vivian. Vivian, and Elle then become rivals competing for Warren's love. Along the way Elle becomes best friends with Paulette, a nail stylist at a local salon. Upon learning of Callahan's internship program, Elle really starts getting serious, as maybe getting the spot may impress Warren. Through her hard work, and determination Elle, along with Vivian, Warren, and one other student are accepted to become interns to Callahan, and just in time for a new case too. Elle learns that the client is famous fitness coach, Brooke Windham, who Elle actually had attended one of her classes before. Brooke had been accused of murdering her husband, though the evidence  proves it, Elle knows that isn't the truth. Although Brooke wouldn't give away her alibi, she tells it in secret to Elle who promises to keep it a secret. In the days leading up to the court showing, Elle meets up with Paulette again, and finds out that she is in love with the delivery guy. Elle then decides to teach her, and all the other girls in the salon how to the "Bend-and-Snap", a technique that gets any guy's attention. 

Back on the case with Elle refusing to reveal Brooke's alibi, later that night Vivian goes to Elle and says that she made the right choice to keep it a secret. The girls then bond over talking about the sexism seen from Callahan. The next day, she meets one of the witnesses, the pool boy, who claims that Brooke was sleeping with him. Though before his hearing Elle heard him talk about her shoes in great detail. With that information alone she finds out that he is actually gay, thus couldn't have slept with Brooke. To be honest Gay or European is the best song to come from any stage musical ever, okay. With that reveal Brooke is almost free, but the testimony from her stepdaughter might be enough to lock her up, though that won't be until tomorrow. Callahan complements Elle on her good work, and even says that he can get her to better places after college. He then proceeds to place his hand on her leg. Elle, in shock leaves. Vivian who saw it thinks that she had been sleeping with him though that isn't the truth. Emmett confronts Elle trying to figure out what happened. Elle tells him everything as she decides to quit. Why does one creep make her want to quit though? Well, throughout the whole beginning of the movie Elle is seen as a joke, a sexual object by others. When Callahan was praising her, that was the first time someone had complemented her for something other then her looks. Though seeing as he sexually assaulted her, all of it was a lie, making Elle realize that no one will ever see her seriously, and always see her a a sexual object. The next day though something surprising happens. Brooke fires Callahan, and taking his place is Elle, back in action thanks to her other Professor. Elle is also unapologetically herself, purse Chihuahua, and all. Along with that, her friends from the sorority have also come to watch her first court case. Elle at first nervous is able to get the witness' alibi. The alibi in which Elle completely pulls apart. 

Turns out the witness had gotten a perm that day, and was in the shower when the gunshots happened. Elle though knows better, you can't take a shower as soon as you get a perm, you have to at least wait a day. The witness then reveals that she was the killer all along, and that she didn't mean to kill her father, she wanted to kill Brooke. With the real murderer arrested, Brooke is free to go. Upon winning the case Warner tries to get Elle back, but Elle says that if she wants to be a partner in a law firm by the time she's thirty, she needs a boyfriend who's not a complete bonehead. We then fast forward two years to Elle, and her class' graduation ceremony. During this part we also get to see what the other characters had been up to, and what will  happen with them. Vivian dumped Warner, and she, and Elle are now best friends. Warner basically became a total loser. Paulette married the delivery guy, and is planning on naming their daughter after Elle. Emmett quit Callahan's ;aw firm, and opened up his own. He, and Elle have also been dating for these past two years as well, and plans on proposing that night. Overall this is a very happy ending, and it's so great to see Elle start out at the bottom, only to finish at the top while also discovering her own self worth along the way.

Legally Blonde, though the aesthetics are very early 2000s, the story itself is timeless. In this day, and age, we need more women like Elle then ever. Legally Blonde is just one of the many perfect movies to watch for international women's day. Maybe even check out the musical if you want something a little different. Legally Blonde is a great feminist movie, with a wonderful message for all girls, and for that, it gets a 5 out of 5 Paws up.

Mini Review: Onward

Pixar is moving "Onward" to greatness

Now don't get me wrong, I love Pixar very much, but the last half of the 2010s was a bit lackluster. The reason, mainly because they focused a lot on sequels. I don't hate these sequels, I think they did a good job on expanding their movie's story. Of course though, eventually the fans are going to want some new original content, and Pixar provided. Onward is a movie set in a fantasy world where magic exists. Though magic was hard to learn, so normal people instead invented electricity, and modern technology, as the years go by, magic basically disappears. However two Elf brothers go on a quest to find a little bit more magic in the world, so they may see their dad one last time. 

Onward is a emotionally driven movie with plenty of silly moments in between. Although, personally I feel that this movie is geared towards a older crowd, especially with the Dungeons and Dragons related jokes. This movie is ultimately about brotherhood, so those who grew up with a older brother taking care of them will be able to relate to the main characters. I know that after seeing this movie, I had to hug my older brother, and thank him for all he's done for me. If Onward was simply an appetizer before the main course that is Soul, coming out this summer, oh man, Soul is going to make me cry a literal river. In other words, this urban fantasy tale of brotherhood gets a 5 out of 5 Paws up.

Movie Review: Pup Star: World Tour

This series has really "gone to the dogs"

For anyone that has been following me since the start of this blog, chances are you know about Pup Star. The children's movie franchise I love to hate. If you're new here you can catch up with my Pup Star, and Pup Star: Better 2Gether reviews.The plot follows Tiny as she becomes a first-time judge for the titular Pup Star competition. This time though instead of staying within the United State, Pup Star is going international to find their first ever global champion. Although of course Bark is up to his old tricks again, how will our pint-sized hero stop him this time? Spoiler alert she does almost nothing in this movie.

The movie begins with a animated music video of a song sung by Tiny about singing across the world. We then transition to the Jimmy Kibble show, cause it's funny the second time? It is revealed that not only will Tiny be joining the panel of judges, but for the first time ever, Pup Star is going international. We also meet the families of the other judges, Simon Growl's Dad who of course is in a pub (or do they call it a "Pug" in this universe?), Dog Gnarly's kids who just seem to hang out at school or something like that, and Lady Pawpaw's narcissistic mother from Jersey. Feel free to forget about these characters as they do basically nothing in this movie. We also meet Scrappy, and P.U.P again, having opened his own recording studio. However things won't be that easy as Bark is back. Despite he, and his human partner Roland being arrested at the end of the second movie, they somehow gained control of the prison they were locked up in. When the dog judges begin to board their plane Tiny, and Lou's Dad surprises them by letting Lou go with Tiny. Although um, i'm pretty sure she can't just join at the last minute, cause you know visas, passports, and did she even have her luggage checked? With Lou joining them, the pack flies off to their first destination, India. Here we meet a dog whose name I can't be bothered to remember his name. He has a thick Indian accent, but is able to sound like as if English is his first language when he sings. Simon Growl ends up giving the Indian dog the Golden Bone, so um, they're not even going to listen to the other dogs, or did only one dog show up to this? The next destination is somewhere in South Africa where Dog Gnarly gives his Golden Bone to this dog that sang something about the... Savannah? I can't recall any of the songs, or new names from this mess. Actually the only dog I remember is Ming, from China who Lady Pawpaw gives her Golden Bone to. I mainly remember her because her head is tilted during the entire movie, like what is wrong with that poor dog? Another reason is because of the incredibly insensitive joke they did. Let me set the scene, the group is out having dinner with Ming, and she orders some local cuisine. The waitress then comes to the table with bowls of soup, and what looks like eyeballs in the soup. Good job Disney on that oh so clever "Hurr durr, Chinese people eat everything" joke. Alright, I need to calm down now.

The final country they visit is Mexico where we find out from a separate scene featuring the Nanny, Ida that her favorite Telenovela actor Julio will be trying out for Pup Star. Let me just say now, that it is straight up creepy how obsessed this human woman is with this dog actor. Julio like anyone else on actual reality television comes up with a huge, sad story to earn him empathy with the judges. He then does his singing, and since because no other dogs came to the competition or something, Tiny gives him the Golden Bone. Julio then insists that he stay with Tiny, and Lou at their Chicago home before the finale. Tiny reluctantly agrees, and so Julio goes home with them. Now the way Ida behaves towards this dog sometimes gets oddly... sexual. Like I get it, dogs can talk now, which means they can give consent, which means... holy shit... is bestiality canon in the Pup Star universe? I, um, much rather not think of that right now, let's get back on topic, okay? Julio is making life an absolute hell for his human hosts, and Tiny. Julio going with Bark's plan kisses Tiny in public, tricking P.U.P into thinking that she doesn't love him anymore. This stunt also gets Tiny's manager fired. Meanwhile while all of this is happening, all those family members I mentioned before have been dognapped by Bark, and his henchdog, and man. The second part of Bark's plan is to hold the judges' families hostage, so then they have no choice, but to make Julio (Technically Bark) the new Pup Star Champion. Back at home Lou catches a video of Julio singing terribly in the shower proving that he has been lip-syncing the whole time. Though Lou won't share this information with Tiny until towards the end of the movie.

Scrappy is the last dog to be dognapped, but P.U.P is able to break into the jail, and free everyone. How? By winning... a rap battle. Like, what? Meanwhile at the Pup Star finale, Tiny's manager is able to find the recording booth that Bark is in, but before he can tell anyone, he is captured. Lou finds Bark, and tries to tell Tiny about his plan, but he decides to reveal himself instead. Tiny, and the judges are not allowed to do anything because they think that their family members are still trapped. During Julio's solo performance P.U.P arrives, and stops Julio showing everyone that he is a fraud. Tiny, and the judges also learn that all their family members are safe now. Although given the crazy circumstances the producers have to cancel choosing a champion this year. They just can't wait until next week, or something? Tiny reassures everyone though that it doesn't matter who the champion is, the only thing that matters is singing for the whole world, and what could be better then that? Says the dog who won two years in a row. With the group all singing the song from the very beginning of the movie, this garbage fire finally ends.

How is it even possible for this movie to be worse then the previous two combined? If it were possible I would give this movie a -5 out of 5 Paws up. Although since I don't do negative scoring, the best thing I can do is give this a 1 out of 5 Paws up. If you have young children, and Netflix there are hundreds of better movies, and shows to put on for your child then this trilogy.